chicken and egg
so, there were two guys named d. i did the same things with both of them at around the same time. however, i do not remember who came first. so, i’m just picking one and going with it.
d1. ah, d1. he was something else. 22, hung, could go for hours…good stuff. he and i had absolutely amazing chemistry together. he was all about the whole milf/cougar thing, and i basically wanted to fuck a college student. we had a very protracted email/IM correspondence and weren’t able to meet up for a long time due to scheduling problems. it was probably 3 months before we were able to get together. frustrating, but the buildup was intense.
i went over to his place, more nervous than i’d been about any other experience for a while. he answered the door, and the first words out of my mouth were “good god, you look like you’re 14.” and he seriously did. he looked much younger in person than in his pics…and it was hot. jailbait fantasies come true. 
we sat on his couch for a while talking, petting the cat (who loved me), until he leaned over and kissed me. after that, things went very quickly. he took his shorts off, revealing the biggest cock i’d ever seen at that point. i was completely flabbergasted. i sucked it for quite a while, showing him that i wasn’t all talk about my skills. then he went down on me for a while, which was just okay. i told him to get a condom, which he eagerly did, and we fucked like absolute animals. it was some of the hottest sex i’ve ever had. we used every position, he spanked my ass, he pulled my hair…HOT.
alas, that was the only time we ever got together. after this experience, he got weird in ways that i didn’t feel were safe for me. he started expressing his desire to hurt me (like in a s&m kind of way), but kept saying that he didn’t know if he would be able to stop if i needed him to. that did not inspire much confidence in me, and while i’m an open and willing sort of girl, i need to know that i’ll be safe. and i didn’t feel that i would be with him.
well, that was stupid.
this entry will most definitely be short. this quite possibly qualifies as the shortest, most abbreviated experience i had.
i met a2 through an ad i placed which described exactly how selfish i wanted to be, to have an experience that was all about me. we emailed and IM’d for a little while, then managed to get together. we met at a bar, which was an absolute dive. i have a fondness for dive bars, but definitely not this one. we sat in relative silence drinking our beers…i tried to keep the conversation going, but he was pretty non-communicative. surprisingly, he invited me back to his place. i really didn’t want to go, but for some reason i couldn’t say no. it may have been that i was a bit worried about how he would react to my saying no. so, stupid on my part. we went back to his place, and bizarrely, he went to take a shower, leaving me in the living room by myself. it was really weird. in retrospect, i probably should have taken that opportunity to leave. after his shower, we went into the bedroom, where he proceeded to ask me to suck his cock. remember that he had responded to my ad about my wanting to be selfish. irony, ladies and gentlemen. so, i sighed and did as he wanted. he may have touched my ass while i was sucking him, but other than that, there was no contact at all. no kissing, no touching my breasts, nothing.
afterwards, i left, and pretty much laughed at myself all the way home. stupid, stupid girl.
fizzle
i honestly don’t even remember anymore how i got in contact with p1. i think it was through an ad he placed, but i have no clue. that’s probably not a good thing.
anyway, p1 lived somewhere else, but came to town regularly for work reasons. he was quite dominant, and our emails quickly turned into D/s scenarios. we finally managed to coordinate getting together at his hotel room. we sat on the couch and chatted for a while, had a couple of drinks. i didn’t have a lot of time, so i knew i didn’t want to get into anything too involved. we kissed for a while, and i sucked his cock for a while, but that was it. nothing for me, which was fine. he wasn’t really what i was looking for, though he was a nice guy. he was practically begging me to let him go down on me…he had quite a high opinion of his skills in that area. but, i managed to extricate myself.
our emails/IMs continued, but petered out relatively quickly. no great loss. he did serve a purpose though…he helped me realize my sub nature and helped me get in touch with it constructively.
true fwb
after my last post, i figured i’d revisit c1 and our experiences together.
c1 was great. he was exactly what i needed…young, cute, stamina like you wouldn’t believe…ah. he would come over on his lunch once or twice a week and we’d get all sweaty and then he’d go back to work. he was an amazing kisser, and that more than anything kept me coming back for more.
i had a couple of firsts with him. first time having sex standing up, in the hallway outside my apartment. first time doing it on stairs, doggy-style and also in the hallway. and the most important first: he has the distinction of being the first guy to get me to orgasm without any assistance from me at all. i learned something important with him…i learned that marijuana has an extremely positive effect on me, sexually. he came over one day and we smoked pot (me for the first time in over 10 years) on the back deck, then went inside and got started. we had sex for quite a while, he came, then he went down on me for a while. and between the pot and him finally doing everything the way i liked it, i came. twice. it was an absolutely amazing experience.
unfortunately, that was also our last experience together. things changed in our lives, combining to make our continued relationship no longer feasible. we kept IMing and emailing for a while, trying to figure out a way to make it work, but we eventually gave up. it’s now been 6 months since our last time together. i miss him, and he’ll always have a very special place in my heart for showing me that i’m not defective and that i can indeed have orgasms with other people.
…and now for something completely different
here’s where my tales take a brief detour into more unsavory waters.
i met a1 through his CL ad. he had a great hook…scrabble. his obvious intelligence was a huge turn-on, and he seemed great. we emailed for a while, and finally managed to make arrangements to meet. he was quite a bit older than me, maybe close to 50. very successful, you know the drill. he made a reservation at a local hotel, and i met him there. this was the ONE time i did not insist on a public meeting first, i should clarify.
we sat around, played scrabble, drank wine, etc. i was nervous…he wasn’t quite as attractive as his picture had led me to believe. nothing that was a deal-breaker, but just not a great surprise. one thing led to another, and soon we were naked on the bed. he gave me a massage, went down on me, it was…okay. not great. i sucked him for a while, then things got a little weird. he wanted me to rim him. i hadn’t done it before, but i didn’t have a big problem with it. he was really into it, and asked if i wanted him to do it to me. i hemmed and hawed and eventually said okay. it was eh. then we had sex, and it was fine. it was sex. afterwards, we lay there talking for a while, and then he wanted to go again, so he went down on me again and we pretty much repeated what we had done before. with one exception. he was fucking me doggy-style, and sort of playing with my ass. and then before i could even blink, he was fucking my ass. i stopped moving immediately and told him to stop. he didn’t. i told him again. he still didn’t. from what i could hear, he was close to finishing, so i gave up and just let him finish. after he was done, i sort of collapsed and laid down on the bed, and buried my face in the pillow. he laid down next to me and we just laid there in silence. after a little while, i got up and went to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed. when i came back out, he was standing there. he apologized and said that he “thought i wanted it.” i said “even if you thought that, you ASK before doing it. and if someone says stop, you STOP.” he apologized again, and i left.
this is the only time something like this has happened to me. i hesitate to call it rape, but it was scary.
explanation
i’ve been asked why i’ve been doing the things that i’ve been doing. before i get into that, i want to clarify the timeline of these events. i started this phase of my life in april of 2009. the events that have so far been described in this blog happened between then and early to mid june of 2009. that’s a lot that happened in a very short span of time.
my original reason for getting into this was simple. i turned 31, and almost simultaneously, my sex drive went into overdrive. i wanted it all the time. i thought about it all the time. and here’s where i confess: i’m married. my husband’s sex drive was no match for what i needed, and my life became almost unbearable. finally, i made the decision to try craigslist. it wasn’t an easy decision, and i question it still, but overall, it was the best thing i could have done. i was able to enjoy being with my husband without the weight of this need overcoming any other feelings.
some may see this as horrible, evil, sociopathic, or at the very least “not a nice thing to do.” some may think i’m a sex addict, or bipolar, or a just plain slut. none of these things are true. i am just a normal woman who needed to make a choice. either get a divorce and start over, torpedoing my life and the lives of my husband and children, or make the best of it. get what i needed so i could continue my marriage. if you disagree with my choices, that is your prerogative. i will not apologize. i do not regret my decisions. i have learned an enormous amount about myself and others through this process.
i am no longer active on craigslist. i have found my couple of partners that i am happy with, which is what i was looking for all along. i never wanted guy after guy after guy. i wanted one or two FWBs and that was all, and that’s what i have now.
thanks for reading.
mrs. robinson
i spent quite a while emailing with b1. he was intelligent, and seemed to be what i was looking for. we finally met one night at starbucks. we spent some time talking and seemed quite compatible. he looked different than his picture, like the picture had been several years old. he was definitely older than i thought he would be. but, he wasn’t unattractive, and it was fine. so, we went out to his truck (i think it was a pickup) and made out in there. eventually i unzipped his pants and went to work…i had told him of my skills, but he hadn’t really believed me. he believed at this point. it took him forever to get off, though, and already being uncomfortably positioned in the vehicle, it seemed to take even longer. he finally finished, and we sat and talked a little while longer, then i left.
as a postscript to this story, here’s how it ended. a day or so later, i noticed him online and IM’d him. no response. i figured he was busy, so i went about my day. IM’d him again a couple of hours later, no response. this went on most of the day. finally i was getting pretty pissed off, which in retrospect was stupid. so, i IM’d him something about how maybe he had gotten what he wanted and had no more interest in me. which would have been FINE if he had just said something. of course, no response. then the next day, i had an email from him all about how “disappointed” he was in me and how he had been outside and blah blah blah and basically “you’re a psycho bitch, leave me alone.” GRAR. so, months and months later, i still have some pretty negative feelings about him.
aha!
figured it out. all right, j2.
j2 was extremely neurotic. semi-cute, but just weird. i spent an hour or so in his apartment, which might have been the strangest hour or two in my life. he wanted a bj, he didn’t want a bj. he wanted to have sex, he didn’t want to have sex. finally i told him i was just going to leave, and that all the angst wasn’t doing it for me. so then he basically wanted to dry-hump, which was bizarre to say the least. we did that for a while, neither of us got off, then i left.
did i mention he was weird?
hmm…
so i have a draft in my email with the list of guys and what i’ve done with them as a memory aid. next on the list is j2 and it says “partial bj.” i can’t for the life of me figure out who he is and why the bj would have been partial. so, i think i will have to think about this some more and come back to writing about him. must not have been terribly memorable, i guess.
simple and to the point
it was refreshing. a few emails, some IMing, and then there i was…getting out of the car and walking toward his apartment building. i was wearing a blue shirt and my trusty black skirt, but for the first time, had nothing on underneath it. g1 answered the door, seeming very nervous. we sat on the couch talking for a bit, then we kissed. almost immediately, i had his pants undone and started sucking his (very nice) cock. predictably, he loved it. he ran his hand over my ass, then up under my skirt to discover my undie-less-ness. it was a huge turn-on for both of us…i felt so sexy and desirable. we moved into his bedroom and i practically begged him to fuck me, which he was more than happy to oblige. the sex didn’t last too long, but was fantastic regardless.
never did see him again…apparently he started dating someone and didn’t feel comfortable continuing anything with me.
stats:
height: 5′8″
weight: stocky
cock: above average
